Who Needs Discipline, Son or Mom?

Our Little AngelRecently our toddler has begun to “test his boundaries” and test our patience and resolve while he’s at it. His favorite word has become “No” just as Baby Center predicted. “Not my angel,” I said when I read it a month ago. What-eh-vah! He’s killing me. He runs through the house with his index finger wagging in the air, as he repeats “No, no, no, no” to no one in particular. And if he wants to really make an impact he looks at you, again with the index finger pointed in the air, and says an emphatic, “NnnnnnO.” Furthermore, he uses the word AS he’s doing the things that taught him the word so we hear “No, no, no, no, no as he’s turning the TV on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off. I realized that I had lost control before I expected to need much control when he started responding to my requests with the pointing index finger and the puckered lips in windup for the N sound in “NnnnnnO.”

So, what do I do? I’ll be honest; I always thought I’d be a spanker. Corporal punishment seemed ok to me. Getting a stinging whack on the tush certainly seems like a good deterrent, unless you’re into that kind of thing though I doubt my toddler is. Then again, he whacks himself in the head with stuff a lot and laughs hysterically so maybe I’m wrong. Umm, yeah, ok. So, I find myself truly challenged for the first time in my toddler’s life. The early days were tough but nothing compared to staring down the bright-eyed smiling face of my toddler, standing on a table, 2 feet off the ground, marching in place and giggling at me. “Look mom, I’m on the table again. Whatcha gonna do about it?”

CheezerHe’s only 17-months-old and regardless of whether I will be a spanker or not, I do not believe he’s old enough to be spanked. Or maybe I’m just not ready to intentionally turn that precious smile upside down. Orders of “Down” and “No” do not work. Picking him up and putting him on the floor is a game so that certainly doesn’t work. We’ve started having him tell the cats to get down when they are on the table but he has decided he needs to climb onto the table to make the cats get down. FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

So maybe I’ve been coming at this thing from the wrong direction. My child is good 90% of the time (regardless of my father calling him a spoiled brat – dad is soooooo out of touch) so what’s going on in that 10% of time? I came across the NY Times article It’s Not Discipline, It’s a Teachable Moment this morning and I have a new plan of attack. I’ve read a hundred times to give positive reinforcement but I think I and many parents interpret that to mean “when the child does what I tell him to do then say ‘good boy.’” That’s wrong. It’s not working so it must be wrong. Or maybe it’s only partially right. Hell, I don’t know, but this is what I’m thinking now that I’ve read that article. I need to spend more time with him.

Jensen SleepingYep, that’s the big epiphany. Before anyone starts thinking I ignore my son please return to the part where I said he only misbehaves 10% of the time. Obviously I don’t ignore my son! That being said I still feel I need to analyze my own behavior and perhaps be more disciplined about spending time with him. He needs time to play on his own and I need time to clean my house (translation, screw around on the internet) but we both need just a little less than I’ve been allowing. Furthermore, 90% of Jensen’s 10% of misbehaving (follow that?) occurs in the 2 hours before bed so I need to pay extra attention to him at that time. Eeezy Peezy, right?

So, to wrap up, I’m going to conduct a Parenting 101 Lab experiment. There may even be a spreadsheet with charts and graphs involved. Who knows?

Parenting 101 Lab Experiment #1 (optimistic, ain’t I?)

Question: How can we convince Jensen to behave like the sweet angel I know he is?

Hypothesis: If we spend more time interacting with Jensen, especially at key times of the day such as the last 2 hours before bed, we will be rewarded with the perfect toddler.

Experiment outcomes and analysis to follow at a later date.

I’m sooooo serious. Are you laughing at me?